yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
