ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
