I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
