Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
