Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
