I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So much rum. So many feels.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
