I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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