after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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