I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
