dude i'm inner monologue high
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
