What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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