paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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