Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
