When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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