i just had sex bonerless
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
