you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
