I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
