im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize