I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How external is "for external use only"?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
