i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize