Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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