i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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