Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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