I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
