I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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