I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Randomize