I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
