DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
