Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
