She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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