I bet he comes in French.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
