'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
