I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
