I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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