he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
