Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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