quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
