Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
