everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
