dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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