I can text with my tongue
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
