My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
