I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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