he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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