What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Randomize
