ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
