everyone is single if you try hard enough
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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