Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
