First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
