I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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