I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
