i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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