A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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