I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
