Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
