I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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