No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
