I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
