I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
