Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
