Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just found puke in my bra..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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