I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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