This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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