There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize