If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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