and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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