I can't watch pbs sober anymore
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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