in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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