Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Randomize
