Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
