I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
