This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
