Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
