How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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