She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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