so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
