Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
