i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
