when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
