I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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