I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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