He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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