Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
being pregnant is like rehab
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
