Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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