About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize