she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just had sex bonerless
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
