If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
