moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize