Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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