Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize